This moment will fly away…

Hello my lovely reader,

This is a small piece of writing I was scribbling down for you to read just before 2017 ends. Hope you enjoy it 🙂 I wish you all a very happy new year. Have fun and be safe. See you in 2018!

“Did the year of 2017 fly and burn so fast that I could not even hold it in my palms for just one moment? Did I just blink my eyes for a millisecond ? Am I am confronted with December 31st already?

I need to tell you though before this moment becomes just another moment spent in the year of 2017 that,

You made such progress as a human being, you fed yourself, you breathed, you made friends, you cared for them as much as you can, you smiled with them, you danced your heart out, you promised that you will move forward not backwards. You found solace in new genres of music that you never thought you’d grow to love. But you really did! See how wonderful it is when you allow yourself to open up to art?

You learned that everyone has their own standards, that every one is in a constant struggle to succeed in life that they forget one day ‘you’ and ‘I’ will dissolve into nothingness.

Your smiles will be grand memories for me to cherish in the years to come. But above all you my dear, SURVIVED the storms that uprooted so many others. It was as if you held on to that one thing, that one fickle of hope that whispered in your ear at times   you can conquer another day, one more hour, one more minute and another mere second.

I am glad ‘YOU’ are still here, I am glad you are still expressing your feelings no matter what form of art you choose to do so in. I am glad that you did not give up so you could listen to Taylor’s new album ‘Reputation’. It was really worth it, you will agree with me.

Even when you were in pain after the tsunami’s of life that hit you from time to time, your heart did not drown. Pain came in waves to add on to those after-shakes. But when some dissolved in to the salt water of those storms, you, yes you just trembled trying so hard to hold on. You did NOT crumble, you cried, you were hurt, you were stressed, you hated yourself but you did not crumble to the ground! I am so proud of you, I am so thankful you are still here.”

May you always have the courage to conquer through, may you find love in music, poetry, writing and art in general. May your future be blessed with so many happy times ahead. May you inspire millions of hearts that would stand tall together at hard times. May you become a star that would light up millions of hearts one day.

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You did well Kim Jonghyun…

How should I begin this post? I don’t know. But I will try my best.

Kim Jonghyun, one of the five members of the K pop band ‘Shinee’ passed away on the 18th of December 2017.

I thought I’d write something in remembrance of him.

I have been a K pop fan for awhile now and ‘Shinee’ was one of the first bands I listened to as  I first watched  Minho, one of the members on a TV show. I would listen to their music while writing poems, short stories, and at other times I would just blast their songs like ‘Tell me what to do’, ‘View’ and ‘Hello’. They brought so much happiness to me and still do. Why am I talking in past tense? I have gone insane.

You know that moment when you feel like you should’ve paid more attention to someone? That’s how I feel. He knew ‘Shawols’ (Shinee fans) loved him so much but he was truly hurt and he needed help so desperately.

He was hurting all alone, all along, and no body was there to help him. It just breaks my heart that he had to  pretend to be happy, ignore the pain in his heart in order to see millions of us be happy. How difficult would that have been? That I do not know. And I do not want anyone else to go through that kind of pain ever.

Mental illness is something that we all should acknowledge more and pay more attention to. Talk, ask help even in the darkest of the times. When someone opens up to you do not shrug it off like, ‘I feel sad sometimes too’. Help them take professional help and hold their hand because you might be that one little sparkle that might be saving someone’s precious life.

When I hear someone has passed away I begin my endless thought process. I have so many questions like,

Did they know that they will be dead a week before ? What were they doing at the exact time a week before? Maybe planning ahead for their future, maybe thinking about what’s for dinner, maybe trying their best to survive the day.

When did they meet their parents, friends and colleagues for the last time? They would never have thought that it would be their last time hanging out together. But maybe some already said goodbye when they gave them a hug before they left. They would have said, “See ya later and Goodbye” without actually knowing that they’d never see them ever again in this life time. I know this is sad but it is the truth, we never know when we are seeing someone for the last time. We plan things ahead but life is such a momentary and fragile thing.

And I do not know how their families would have felt after they received the news that someone they loved to bits has left this world forever. They might regret that time they held back saying I love you or I’m sorry. That’s why we need to appreciate people while we are here, be kind and gentle.

I would be lying if I say that I am okay, I am honestly so heartbroken. Nothing feels as tragic as typing ‘Shinee’ on the YouTube search bar and seeing videos about Jonghyun’s memorial service. And now I have to click the second page to see my favorite music videos of ‘Shinee’. No matter how hurt I am I can not hold back myself from reading more and more about the pain he had to go through and his last days in this world. I know I will only be dragged in to a deep well of despair but I do not care. How cruel is that someone who helped so many others around the world through their difficult times had to suddenly go away like this? He did not deserve it.

I am not crying, I am holding  back my tears because I am an expert at avoiding situations that would cause my heart any pain. But it’s as if my heart is shattered and I taped it back , so fragile but still functioning . But ‘pain’ is winning at seeping inside through the cracks.  We all would turn into nothingness one day. But for now, life will go on.

A day have passed, then it will be a week, a month, a year, a decade, but life does go on. Seasons will come and go but the next winter will definitely remind us all the ‘Shawols’ around the world that Jonghyun went away in winter 2017. And that we will never see his smile ever again. But we will forever remember the mark he made in this world as an artist.  And the light that he shed on mental health and LGBT topics as a human being. And this would be what we all think about, “he did so well, Jonghyun you are a STAR!!”

 

Kim Jonghyun,

You indeed did so well.

Shinee did so well.

We love you forever,

May you never run in to ‘pain’ ever again

May you meet the lovely friend ‘happiness’

At every corner you take…

 

Rest in peace Kim Jonghyun

08.04.1990- 18.12.2017

 

I do NOT own the picture used in this blog post.

Source: https://weheartit.com/entry/71940927

Thank you for reading as always. Share your thoughts with me in the comment section, I would love to hear from you.

 

 

 

A walk down the tunnel….

Hello my lovely reader,

So a couple of weeks ago, I made plans with one of my best friends to go to beach. We had been planning this trip for so long but never quite got around to actually doing it.

But on this gloomy (not so sunny day ) we had to ride the bus and also walk for 1.5 km to the starting point of the walkway that goes down the hill to the beach. The walk down the hill took us about 30 minutes. It was a little steep and at times we had to hold on to the fence posts on the sides for support.

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I am using the term ‘beach’ but there was not much of a beach. Because a hill sits next to the ocean, there was only a narrow path to walk down. This great formation of the rocks near the sea made it truly a marvelous sight. The water gently swaying up and down at one end of the hill while the bay area was filled with more powerful waves almost like trying to snatch away parts of the rocks in the edge.

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It was very windy and my friend was saying that  high tide might come if we got stuck there. We planning to go for a swim as well but the weather was not the best for a swim. So we took advantage of the gloomy day and took loads of pictures. We might have looked stupid but it was so beautiful I could not care less.

 

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The tunnel that leads down to a much more secluded part of the beach was also a very interesting sight. We could smell the salty smell of the sea inside the tunnel, the walls were super cold and the waves would reach the tunnel during the high tide. We did not get to spend much time there as we were running against time. But I made sure to take some pictures. It was a tiring day but it was all so worth it. And on the other hand I have new memories with my friend who also left to her home country the next week. So until we meet again, I will treasure these brand new memories.

 

Love,

G.G

 

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A melody…

Hello there, my lovely reader, today I wrote this little piece of writing while listening to inspirational music . I had this moment where I was kinda transferred in to “another world” where I was feeling too many emotions. I was drowning in my thoughts and  I was only reassured that music is indeed truly the universal language, I was so motivated afterwards so I decided to share it with you all. Maybe you’d like what I wrote . I hope you enjoy it 🙂

“I am chaos. I admit that I can be a mess sometimes but nothing is ever permanent. So is me being the epitome of a mess.

I break the silence when I am sane, but I lose my melody when I am insane. Honestly I am kind of exhausted by keeping my eyes open on a daily basis. I cry and I weep, I guess that’s a part of my routine.

I came to the realization that being lonely and alone are completely separate entities the day I felt that I was happy to be by myself instead of spending a night out with my friends out in the city. But people tell me that I am lonely when I am not. And hence the chaos in my head choosing whether I am actually lonely or not. And I think things through at these times about my life.

So I need to tell you, that there will come a time and a place where you’d just lie there by yourself thinking,

“Where did I go wrong? How do I find her? What did I miss? Is she really one in a million?”

You are bound to feel hopeless. It’s a part of life. For all the times you’d be hopeless, you’d gain an equal number of hopeful moments so you know which is more valuable. You can find it out for yourself.

And when you meet a hopeless moment I’d hope you’d have the courage to pick yourself up and give yourself a pat in the back and say, “You ARE nearly there, you just have to hold on for a little longer hun!”

And I promise you will see the most beautiful things in the world.

I might not know your name,

I might not know how old you are,

I might not know where you are from,

I might not know what your passions are ,

I might not know what you dreamed of becoming when you were nine,

I might not know your favorite movie,

I might not know what music you listen to,

Hell I might not even know if you like tea or coffee,

But I know for SURE, that we both were looking for each other all along.

That’s what I keep telling myself everyday and see, I am holding on alright…”

As always thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I appreciate all of you very very much 🙂

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Invisible pain…

Hello my readers ,

This is the third poem that I wrote for you guys. I hope you like it. Enjoy 🙂

 

I am an irrelevant being to you

Just passing by and I see you

crawled on top of a bench in the corner

And I could see your story

like a movie playing in my head so quickly

Someone who should have been

your guide light, your light house,

And he’s never there for you

He doesn’t even get you, I swear

If I can I’d make him see through

all your flaws and still make him

love you more everyday.

Though I’d love to hear your laugh

I’m afraid we cannot change people.

You’re tied to him but it’s invisible

In pain you keep by his side

For you he’d never search the oceans

He’s forgotten you were once his precious pearl.

He is convinced he loves you enough though,

he claims that this is the best he can be

He tears you down at times but

You and I know that you are,

both the paper that gets torn and the tape,

that glues the smithereens together once again.

Be ready, a week or a month, he’s gonna tear you apart again.

And I am crying now knowing

you do not deserve this pain you are receiving…

 

 

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A dreamer holds on regardless…

Hello lovely reader! I hope you are having a great day today.

So I was thinking what should I write about today? And I was in the midst of putting my words in to a rhythm when I finally came across this! (I was also listening to music)

12 year old me would have never thought that the name “Taylor Swift” would become a name that I would grow up to adore. It’s indescribable. She is the reason that I wanted to play guitar. She is the reason that I wanted to sing. And above all she is still the reason that I keep singing and dancing and playing music and going nuts at 12 am.

I can pin point  so clearly the moment that my best friend asked me if I’ve heard this song called Love story. It was 2009. And I was like,

“letmme check it out when I go home” (We could not use phones at school)

And in comes me the next day, with loads to talk about her. I had read her entire Wikipedia page in one night and her whole story. Where she is from, how old she was, her full name, how many instruments she played, her passion for country music…just everything.

I talked about her that whole week with my best friend till she got sick of my voice. I imagined what it would like to become a musician and she was my number one inspiration.

Now keep in your mind that this was before her albums “1989” or “Red”. It was before everyone knew her, before she became a household name. This year 2017, it’s been almost eight whole years that I have been a fan of her.

Recently when I am asked,

“So…what kinda music do you listen to?”

I fear that people might judge me, because when they hear the name Taylor Swift I think their perspective could be different. She has achieved so much since starting out as the girl playing in Nashville. But to me she is still the same old Taylor that I would sing along to in front of an old big ass computer.  I am so happy whenever I meet a “Swiftie” because I know that I have a person to share my admiration of her music with.

You know how you feel when something goes right and you don’t regret a single thing? That’s how I feel about finding Taylor’s music. I have been here all along and I am still standing right here and I do not plan on not calling myself a “Swiftie…”

But to my great disappointment I have never seen her live. And it’s really heartbreaking to see her come and go every time to my country but I never get to see her. I feel like one of her songs at times.

I live so far away from where she performs every time. Same with the “reputation” tour next year. To be honest I am super bummed. But I’d have to suck it up till I one day will be able to go to her concert. Whether that’s gonna be in three years, five years or even ten years…that I do not know. I want it to be my first concert because I want it to be the most beautiful day in my entire life. And I will hold on until that day comes. I have waited since 2009 and I can wait a little longer.  Maybe that will make that one moment even more beautiful.

And I never knew that You can actually miss people you have never met in your damn life ! Maybe it’s because her music speaks to me very much. On the other hand I think if I ever get to meet her I would be so overwhelmed I might drop down dead. But I’d still give it a try. Is it concerning? I do not know.

She opened me up to country music and just music in general. And she showed me that music can make you feel and help me share moments, moments that I otherwise would not have been able to freeze.

And those secret sessions that she’s been having for her fans! I could not be happier for those lucky fans!  And I am happy even thought it’s not me, but someone got to meet this adorably talented young women.

Dear Tay Tay, I love you very much for every lyric you have written, whether they made you cry or made you laugh you helped loads of people through your music, still do. I just want to give you a big hug and sing along to some of your songs with you. Let me dream big and I will tell you all of this when I one day meet you 🙂

Love

G.G

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Long time, it’s been…

Hello my lovely reader!

Long time no see, my apologies. I have come back to the farm life and now everything is different. Sky is different, the shape of the atmosphere is different, the food I eat are different, and to my great disappointment my teeth feel different too. I think the water tastes somewhat weird. Anyway you know I am from a far-away-land right? But I will spend my summer holiday in an even more far-away-land! In the midst of this farmland. My parents have decided to plant strawberries here and I will be helping them all summer.

There was a reason that I have not been blogging everyday. Sometimes I get zoned out and it takes ages to get back to the reality. The fact that I used ‘was’ instead of using ‘is’ does not imply that I do not get zoned out anymore. I still do. But sometimes it is manageable and sometimes it is far from manageable. So I wonder would I have to live my life like this the whole time?

I think reading thought provoking books have driven me in to galaxies that I am still a newbie to. I have been reading John Green’s ‘Turtles all the way down’. I don’t think you know but he is one of my most favorite writers…ever to walk this earth. As my sister has told me her friends do not like his writing because they like a happy ending all the time. But what’s the point of a happy ending if it’s just that typical ‘and they lived happily ever after’? I like when an ending makes you wonder which way the story would have gone from there, you know? It’s annoying but it’s sorta comforting too. I can imagine what I want to, the writer does not necessarily tell me what to believe.

I have started writing more and more poems too. I love putting words in to stanzas and spend every minute of the day thinking of rhymes, which is so much fun. And something I’ve also noticed is that I pay more attention to song lyrics whereas I would just dance to the beat before. When I hear a good rhyme I am over the moon. And I can NOT! Believe how perfect that rhyme suits a particular place. I sound weird now, so I am gonna end it here.

I can not promise you that I will post every day, but I will try my best to unless I am busy zoning out. But right now, I am thanking you so much for reading this very post till the very end because you know, not a  lot of people hang around till the end.

Love,

G.G

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