You did well Kim Jonghyun…

How should I begin this post? I don’t know. But I will try my best.

Kim Jonghyun, one of the five members of the K pop band ‘Shinee’ passed away on the 18th of December 2017.

I thought I’d write something in remembrance of him.

I have been a K pop fan for awhile now and ‘Shinee’ was one of the first bands I listened to as  I first watched  Minho, one of the members on a TV show. I would listen to their music while writing poems, short stories, and at other times I would just blast their songs like ‘Tell me what to do’, ‘View’ and ‘Hello’. They brought so much happiness to me and still do. Why am I talking in past tense? I have gone insane.

You know that moment when you feel like you should’ve paid more attention to someone? That’s how I feel. He knew ‘Shawols’ (Shinee fans) loved him so much but he was truly hurt and he needed help so desperately.

He was hurting all alone, all along, and no body was there to help him. It just breaks my heart that he had to  pretend to be happy, ignore the pain in his heart in order to see millions of us be happy. How difficult would that have been? That I do not know. And I do not want anyone else to go through that kind of pain ever.

Mental illness is something that we all should acknowledge more and pay more attention to. Talk, ask help even in the darkest of the times. When someone opens up to you do not shrug it off like, ‘I feel sad sometimes too’. Help them take professional help and hold their hand because you might be that one little sparkle that might be saving someone’s precious life.

When I hear someone has passed away I begin my endless thought process. I have so many questions like,

Did they know that they will be dead a week before ? What were they doing at the exact time a week before? Maybe planning ahead for their future, maybe thinking about what’s for dinner, maybe trying their best to survive the day.

When did they meet their parents, friends and colleagues for the last time? They would never have thought that it would be their last time hanging out together. But maybe some already said goodbye when they gave them a hug before they left. They would have said, “See ya later and Goodbye” without actually knowing that they’d never see them ever again in this life time. I know this is sad but it is the truth, we never know when we are seeing someone for the last time. We plan things ahead but life is such a momentary and fragile thing.

And I do not know how their families would have felt after they received the news that someone they loved to bits has left this world forever. They might regret that time they held back saying I love you or I’m sorry. That’s why we need to appreciate people while we are here, be kind and gentle.

I would be lying if I say that I am okay, I am honestly so heartbroken. Nothing feels as tragic as typing ‘Shinee’ on the YouTube search bar and seeing videos about Jonghyun’s memorial service. And now I have to click the second page to see my favorite music videos of ‘Shinee’. No matter how hurt I am I can not hold back myself from reading more and more about the pain he had to go through and his last days in this world. I know I will only be dragged in to a deep well of despair but I do not care. How cruel is that someone who helped so many others around the world through their difficult times had to suddenly go away like this? He did not deserve it.

I am not crying, I am holding  back my tears because I am an expert at avoiding situations that would cause my heart any pain. But it’s as if my heart is shattered and I taped it back , so fragile but still functioning . But ‘pain’ is winning at seeping inside through the cracks.  We all would turn into nothingness one day. But for now, life will go on.

A day have passed, then it will be a week, a month, a year, a decade, but life does go on. Seasons will come and go but the next winter will definitely remind us all the ‘Shawols’ around the world that Jonghyun went away in winter 2017. And that we will never see his smile ever again. But we will forever remember the mark he made in this world as an artist.  And the light that he shed on mental health and LGBT topics as a human being. And this would be what we all think about, “he did so well, Jonghyun you are a STAR!!”

 

Kim Jonghyun,

You indeed did so well.

Shinee did so well.

We love you forever,

May you never run in to ‘pain’ ever again

May you meet the lovely friend ‘happiness’

At every corner you take…

 

Rest in peace Kim Jonghyun

08.04.1990- 18.12.2017

 

I do NOT own the picture used in this blog post.

Source: https://weheartit.com/entry/71940927

Thank you for reading as always. Share your thoughts with me in the comment section, I would love to hear from you.

 

 

 

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Invisible pain…

Hello my readers ,

This is the third poem that I wrote for you guys. I hope you like it. Enjoy 🙂

 

I am an irrelevant being to you

Just passing by and I see you

crawled on top of a bench in the corner

And I could see your story

like a movie playing in my head so quickly

Someone who should have been

your guide light, your light house,

And he’s never there for you

He doesn’t even get you, I swear

If I can I’d make him see through

all your flaws and still make him

love you more everyday.

Though I’d love to hear your laugh

I’m afraid we cannot change people.

You’re tied to him but it’s invisible

In pain you keep by his side

For you he’d never search the oceans

He’s forgotten you were once his precious pearl.

He is convinced he loves you enough though,

he claims that this is the best he can be

He tears you down at times but

You and I know that you are,

both the paper that gets torn and the tape,

that glues the smithereens together once again.

Be ready, a week or a month, he’s gonna tear you apart again.

And I am crying now knowing

you do not deserve this pain you are receiving…

 

 

Don’t forget to like, comment and share this post with your friends who also enjoy this sort of poetry 🙂

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A lie per second…

Hold on tight babe, we will land safe

Every time you tell me, but it’s a one big lie

You lost what you didn’t take care of

Now I am flying free like a butterfly after the storm

Is it too rude of me to be smiling

Without you who was by my side all along

I cannot help but let you go away

My smiles could never co-exist with yours anyway

Your love could’ve killed me but I never cared

Clean but still young and living out of pain

I miss you in ways that I never knew existed

But I know for a fact, you were never the personification of love

Hope: an attitude…

Hello lovely readers!

Hope: a mesmorising attitude that can do wonders.

Hope is a somewhat difficult topic for me to talk about. I am often in the midst of finding hope to go on or to be hopeful to put it in better words. There are times that I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. But occasionally from time to time I feel the urge to remind myself to be grateful and be hopeful of the sunny days that are yet to come, moments that are yet to become beautiful memories.

For me being hopeful is reminding myself everyday when I get up that today has the potential to be better than yesterday. And feeling excited to face the day. But this only happens on a perfect day. Most of the days when thinking of waking up and facing the day in my head I just shout out words those that might be too rude to say out loud to some one. Haha

Regardless, hope is what has brought us so far. Maybe that might be the reason that we need to nurture hope. Where there is no hope, there will be no future. I believe that it is excruciatingly difficult to be hopeful at times, but we should find the courage to find more beautiful things to bring light to our lives.

Somedays you will wake up and feel less energetic and excited about your life, your career, your relationships and whatnot. But everyday is shaping you become a better person and hope will be there to guide you. Always keep that in your mind. I am sure you will have the opportunity to come across the most beautiful moments of your life.

Hope is vital, I hope you take the much needed time to grow hope in your heart and in the hearts of your loved ones. Sometimes, you can save a dying plant by watering it just like you might be mending someone by instilling hope in their lives.

Have a great day!

 

 

 

This love…

Hey lovely readers!

Like I told you in my previous post now that I have loads of free time I will try to post more and more. I honestly love blogging and sharing my thoughts and I hope you love reading them too!

…She writes and I read knowing that she is still hurting… But she has found the power to live her life on her own terms which I am extremely happy about… Hope you enjoy this piece of writing.  So here it goes…

Every syllable of ‘this love’ reminded me of a love that I can not seem to forget. I think the saddest part of my never-ending affection for him is not the fact that we can never be together, but it’s rather that I will never be able to erase him out of my memory. I will forever remember the beautiful times we spent together and god how much I wish there was a damn delete button! Despite the fact that he now makes me sadder instead of making me happy, I still laugh every time I remember one of his lame jokes.

It’s like I am waiting for him to finish work and come home to see me. Just before I fall asleep, when I am in that phase of slowly drifting away to sleep I imagine him walking in and embarrassing me in a warm hug, telling me “I am here, so everything should be okay, you know that, right?” Such an idiot!

I’d like to remember him in a positive way though. I might even remember him as a cliché romantic quote like,

“He was the sun light that was capable of lighting up dark gray shades of my existence.”

And that song by Taylor Swift! (This love- check it out, it’s beautiful!) Man, that was what I was listening to at the time that I thought he was going to be my sunshine forever.

But on the other hand, when I really think about him in hindsight I know,  he was my forever, but he did not have a future.

I don’t want to be another unrequited lover drowning in a nostalgia that is deeper than the Mariana trench. But he did leave a mark.  Whether it was him blessing me with a love that is capable of providing me with thousand sun shines for sad days or ripping me into two and leaving with a piece of me, I do not know. Nevertheless his affection and what I call ‘our genuine love’ did make a difference in my life.

But like the saying goes,

“I would die for you but I will not live for you.”

Here’s to all the single ladies and guys! Love does exist…even long after a heartbreak. You just have to wipe away the tears and reopen your eyes to see it clearly…

Do not forget to share this post and leave a comment on what you think about this post as well. It will be really helpful to improve my writing.

It’s been awhile…

Hello my lovely readers!

I can finally pronounce that I have finished my final exams and am a “free bird” indeed. I have not been blogging for some time now and I am extremely sorry for the lack of posts. Instead of rushing and writing something I chose to wait until my exams are done. I hope you understand. Anyway now that I have time, I have payed a spontaneous visit to my world of poetry too! Leave a comment below if you’d like to read some of my poetry too.

I hope you enjoy this little piece of writing that I loved writing it.

…She looked around her small bed room. And for once she didn’t see the queen bed or the small window pane or the fairy lights. Not even the quote on the wall saying, “Keep going”. All she could think about was how messed up her life has become, how much of complexity lies in her relationship with her own family. How every phone call ended up in tears.

It scarred her to watch other people with their ‘perfectly crafted families’. But she was careful not to be jealous because that was against what she believed in life. Her second name was hope and she swore to make friends with kindness. Hope and kindness kept her going.

You know that feeling you feel when you get when you do not want to take a class that you don’t like in high school and you have the option to opt out and take another class? She felt the exact opposite. Because you can not choose your family and you can’t change who they are to fit into your ideal parents or siblings.

On the other hand she believed when the skies cried that someday “keep going” quote on her bedroom wall won’t be enough to hold her back. She did not know when, but she knew it in her heart.  She lived by the sight of perfection. Doing well was everything; something that she has never been able to reach no matter what she did.  But maybe if her story was to end in tragedy it might have been perfect all along because it all could have gone as planned. On the other hand if she was to be blessed with a miracle, that would be okay too, because she’d believe that she was destined for that miracle.  Does that even make sense?

No conversation with her family would end in happy tears or laughter. There is always someone who is upset at the end of the day. A heart that she could not make proud, a mind that held too much pride to say sorry and a wife too traumatized to start over.

And she cried telling me all of this story because she was so clueless about life. I feel you because I have been there myself, sister, it’s not an ideal place to be…

Gentle breeze…

I’m at the beach. Air around me is burning hot and the blazing sun isn’t helping at all. I am sat on a branch of a tree in the shade. This part of the beach isn’t that crowded like the main entrance to the beach area, probably because it takes a 45 minute walk to get here, through the forest and  then there is an obnoxious number of hills and steps to climb as well.

The blue ocean greets the harsh sun in the same way that a best friend who gets annoyed with you all the time takes care of you regardless. As if nothing a BFF does helps to grow that I-hate-you-we-are-over pile.

I see a faded shadow of someone walking along the sandy beach. I have a hunch as to who it is. And my eyes are in the process of becoming blind of the bright light and I see him. Of course him. Of course it had to be him. Now a gentle breeze is in the air as if he is bringing the breeze with him, as if he has become the raindrops that calms down the harsh summers, something that is so rare and unpredictable.

That’s how I see him, that’s how I know him, that’s how I meet him.

White t shirt, black pants and his soft straight short hair. Just walking with grace, not like a feminist grace but a manly one yet so soft. Hot sand is being crunched underneath his slippers, thank god he is wearing them! I can’t make out his face clearly but I know it’s him. It’s the way he carries himself, trying to be bad ass standing at 5 feet and 6 inches. How cute! And I would be super confident trying to be myself. But the words that are escaping my mouth are not reflecting my feelings for him. They are nice but they are too formal but I know down the line I get comfortable around him and vise versa. When I can finally see his face, his crooked smile and cute button nose looks brighter than that annoying sun light. I am glad he won against someone super powerful like the ‘Sun’ and became my hero.

At least that’s how I have written this love story in my head. So peaceful, charming yet don’t forget, rare and unpredictable. I hope it stays frozen so I can replay it in my head and cherish it forever.

Nevertheless his first impression of me would never be a girl wearing a sundress, bare feet walking towards him jumping up and down because her feet are been cooked every time they hit the hot sand. He would never know that her hair is blowing in the gentle breeze that indeed he bought towards her to heal her burning skin under the harsh summer.

But It would be more like, cold freezing winter, a girl, blue hoodie, a cream dress, tights and brown boots shaking his sore arm vigorously. She thinks she is being nice but he’s hurting.

Now the roles are reversed because I am the one hurting now, but the thing is it’s not my arm or my palm, its my poor heart. And it’s the winter instead of the summer, and he would never win against the sun, and he might have lost the potential of becoming my hero. But at least my one and only memory of us would be easier to freeze because in case you don’t know winters are colder than the summers.

 

With love,

G. G

xoxox