Invisible pain…

Hello my readers ,

This is the third poem that I wrote for you guys. I hope you like it. Enjoy 🙂

 

I am an irrelevant being to you

Just passing by and I see you

crawled on top of a bench in the corner

And I could see your story

like a movie playing in my head so quickly

Someone who should have been

your guide light, your light house,

And he’s never there for you

He doesn’t even get you, I swear

If I can I’d make him see through

all your flaws and still make him

love you more everyday.

Though I’d love to hear your laugh

I’m afraid we cannot change people.

You’re tied to him but it’s invisible

In pain you keep by his side

For you he’d never search the oceans

He’s forgotten you were once his precious pearl.

He is convinced he loves you enough though,

he claims that this is the best he can be

He tears you down at times but

You and I know that you are,

both the paper that gets torn and the tape,

that glues the smithereens together once again.

Be ready, a week or a month, he’s gonna tear you apart again.

And I am crying now knowing

you do not deserve this pain you are receiving…

 

 

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Hope: an attitude…

Hello lovely readers!

Hope: a mesmorising attitude that can do wonders.

Hope is a somewhat difficult topic for me to talk about. I am often in the midst of finding hope to go on or to be hopeful to put it in better words. There are times that I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel. But occasionally from time to time I feel the urge to remind myself to be grateful and be hopeful of the sunny days that are yet to come, moments that are yet to become beautiful memories.

For me being hopeful is reminding myself everyday when I get up that today has the potential to be better than yesterday. And feeling excited to face the day. But this only happens on a perfect day. Most of the days when thinking of waking up and facing the day in my head I just shout out words those that might be too rude to say out loud to some one. Haha

Regardless, hope is what has brought us so far. Maybe that might be the reason that we need to nurture hope. Where there is no hope, there will be no future. I believe that it is excruciatingly difficult to be hopeful at times, but we should find the courage to find more beautiful things to bring light to our lives.

Somedays you will wake up and feel less energetic and excited about your life, your career, your relationships and whatnot. But everyday is shaping you become a better person and hope will be there to guide you. Always keep that in your mind. I am sure you will have the opportunity to come across the most beautiful moments of your life.

Hope is vital, I hope you take the much needed time to grow hope in your heart and in the hearts of your loved ones. Sometimes, you can save a dying plant by watering it just like you might be mending someone by instilling hope in their lives.

Have a great day!

 

 

 

Miracles are waiting for you…

Anna was 17, but she was lost. Lost, not like I-don’t-know-the-way-back-home, but like I-know-the-way-home-but-I-don’t-have-the-energy-to-go-back. It was tumultuous agony day and night.

She could not get out of bed, she would constantly count in her head, voices making an uproar inside her head while her heart and soul were consumed by them at the same time.

She needed help getting dressed in the morning, when morning was merely at 2 pm in the afternoon. The nights were long, insomnia kept roaring inside her head. She listened to music till 3 am every night, and she envisioned in her head what it would have been like to have her dreams accomplished, a future shining as clear as pure water.

“Life is merely an excuse for a being like me…”, she usually thought of herself. She had no hope for the future. She cried alone at night, eyes swollen when she woke up at 2 pm the next afternoon.

Whom do you turn to if you were losing grip with reality, when everyone just shouts at you to “take a grip on life”? If you aren’t even sure of what kind of sanity you are looking for, what or who could possibly heal your pain?

And all this time, she kept saying that she was ‘fine’.

But it is vital that you, yes you… notice the past tense that this story has been written on in the beginning.

Some people get more than one second chance, because some people are destined with miracles. And her life changed for the better because of such a miracle.

I bet you could’ve guessed what happened by now, she got a miracle! Yes, she did! It was an angel that has been in her life all this time but never did Anna was in her right mind to clearly see through her misery. This angel tried to save her life and was the only being who believed in her when no one else did.

“Just like different photo filters make the pictures look drastically different depending on their brightness and various hues, different eyes might view the same view drastically different depending on what’s inside our hearts…”

She was not mother Theresa. Neither was she well known for her good deeds among people. But she was one thing for sure, an angel for Anna; someone who would never abandon her.

She helps her in every way possible, because she loves her more than anything on this planet. She is a miracle that was hidden waiting for a moment to heal a broken heart.

And to this day, Anna doesn’t think that she is absolutely healed but at least she knows, thanks to that “angel”, she is not as broken as she used to be and that there is still hope for herself among seven billion human beings.

Storms clean you…

I met someone, I met a woman to be specific. Now before you start thinking that this is some cheesy story, hear me out. I met a woman who I feel so much love for, a woman who has made me question that if the level of love, warmth and care that she is willing to give her children is healthy for her own self. But needless to say, with that much love she could heal the hurt.

Countless number of voices inside my head are urging me to ask her so many questions. I need the answers right this second. And she starts explaining her story to this clumsy, impatient and wide eyed girl, myself.

“But you sacrificed your whole life?”

“Didn’t you have dreams of your own when you were a kid?” While my own mouth can’t stop complaining about it on behalf of herself, she starts to answer me kindly.

“I did. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was young. But I have to think of my children for now.”

So much grace, so much kindness in one person? “I have so much gratitude for you, you should know…” I think to myself but I don’t have the guts to interrupt her to tell her how much I adore her, not as a woman, not as a wife, not as a mother, but above all as a human being.

She tells me that she gave up her job as soon as she got married to become a better wife.

“WHY!!” My head screams. First she had a little girl, a girl that she adored from head to toe, a girl that became the only reason that she kept going through hard times.

“The first time I got to hold her I saw that she had dimples, on both cheeks. I guess she got them from me.” She smiles brightly, her dark circles under her eyes proving to me that she has survived harsh realities. As I kept talking with her I realise that she has kept a journal since her daughter was born. Getting to know the reason behind that journal is enough to drag me down on to the floor.

“I didn’t think that I would live to tell her I loved her so much. So, it was like a sentimental piece from me, a part of me for her to go on to the world and build her own life one day.”

Then after seven years she had another little girl and then followed a boy after two more years. And she kept going, she tells me,

“You know that saying, you don’t know how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you’ve got?”

It’s not that she did not love him. But he was not what she thought he would be, he had been growing up that way and it was hard for her to change him. And after years she stopped trying to because she understood that no matter how hard you love someone, you can’t be the only one to hold all the responsibilities when it comes to relationships. It has to be a two sided thing, both parties have to co-opperate. He had good qualities the ones that she saw from the first day. But he is not so nice with his words, agrues, he whines about what he has not achieved and hard to understand in general. “Words can cut deeper” is something that she knows all too well.

Now she just wants to live by herself. She does not imply that she has fallen out of love with him at all. But she wants to go back to her parent’s house after all her kids leave home, something that she has been wanting to do since the day she left, but worried that it might bring shame upon her family, she still has not returned. Where she is from, seperation after marriage is such an embarrassment on the family, specially if it’s on the female side. So she did not want to hurt her parents, she absorbed all the suffering by herself. The world slept, sun rose and she cried, her reality for years.

And my heart aches for her, and I beg her almost like whimpering, “but please just think about yourself. You don’t have to go through all this pain. You still have time to get out!”

And she stares at me and I can read her eyes, she is trying to tell me what’s boiling inside of her. But she does not say anything, she has forgotten the words to express herself. But I know what she is trying to say,

“Love is when you’re willing to do anything, and I mean it, anything for your loved ones. And right now I am my kids’ happiness, I am not going to put their future in jeopardy for my happiness. I am happy if they are…”

Look what love has done to her. She came for what she thought to be “true love” but she is staying for what I call “the greatest love of all time”.

She tries to wipe away my tears because I am too busy crying and being so emotional while trying to fathom her love for her children and positive attitude on life. Her rough hands with chipped nails caresses my red cheeks. Her love is radiating and I wonder if there are more people like her left in this world.

“I’ve still got some time left here, then I’ll go back” She reassures me.

And I think to myself, “Aren’t those kids so lucky to have her in their lives? Isn’t this the greatest love of all time? ”

 

Nostalgia is valid…

Let’s take a walk down the memory lane, shall we?

Everyone has their own way of cherishing memories , good or bad we tell each other that our experiences have molded us into what we are today. Just think about the friends, everyone and yes, the ones that were mean to you as well!  The ones you met on the first day at primary school, the ones that you used to play with in the neighbood, the ones were really mean to you in middle school, the life long friendships you made in high school or even your blood related cousins. All these people you met along the way, do you even know where they are now?

Life takes us on different paths but I wonder what it would be like to meet everyone that you have not seen in ages in one setting and just talk, talk about life, love and all the places that life has taken them to.

Sometimes I picture some of my friends and just talking to them. I have not seen two of my very best friends in such a long time and I play in my head how happy I would be to see them once again. We are all busy and oceans apart but I still talk to them at least once a week. After all this time, even though we are physically seperated I feel like we are binded by this invisible, unbreakable thread for the rest of our lives. And we do realise the true responsiblity of it when we joke around, “You know, you are stuck with me for the rest of your life?”

We go on and off about our day to day lives, different people we meet and the different surroundings that we live in. Who knew about six years ago that us,  shy three little girls would leave their homes in the hopes of maybe oneday building their own? Life is such a crazy and a momentary thing you know?

And there are some friends, every time you leave them  a message they are busy. They get back to me in two weeks time,like “Sorry I was in a class”. And I hold my breath and my thumbs at the same time, whispering to myself, “DO NOT REPLY SO FAST!”. But I always fail. I give in. I reply and wait for another two weeks, or even a month. Weird it is because these people were the ones I once shared my most magical times with. Even though I had no clue whatsoever that I was making the most valueble, cherishable memories of my life, I knew that in my heart I can always count on them.

I can’t help but wonder, are they wanting to avoid me or are they just plain busy? But I’ve heard a saying that goes something along the lines of “If they are meant to be in your life and care for you, they will always find their way back towards you one day…”. So I trust my unreliable source of this quote and hope the best for them.

And then there are people you’d never meet again. The kid that moved cities, the kid that moved countries, the kid that went back to japan after his exchange programme ended and even the so called “friend” that you eventually grew out of.  Just stop for a moment, take a deep breath and think, “these people, honey, you might never ever ever see them again”. I can guarentee you that you will end up with a chain of thoughts. Did they go to college, did they get married, how many kids they’d have, what career they turned out to have and more and more endless questions without answers…

I don’t know about you but to me these memories are so precious. These are the memories that all of us made together unintentionally. Would you have made them differently if you knew they might still baffle you after years and years? I would absolutely freeze their smiles and the times that I last saw them in my heart pocket. I would love to meet all of my childhood peers of this journey we call “life” regardless of what they made out of our memories. I don’t care if they loved our memories or so wanted to cut ties with me because I have been messaging them like a clingy girlfriend. I still want to meet you and talk about life, your experiences and hopefully promise to keep in touch maybe? And obvisouly I would not want to do the same for the kid who bullied me back in high school for well…obvious reasons.

And last but not least trust me when I say, I was not thinking about  all the nostalgia that these thoughts might bring to me…

 

Lots of love,

G.G

xoxox