I met someone, I met a woman to be specific. Now before you start thinking that this is some cheesy story, hear me out. I met a woman who I feel so much love for, a woman who has made me question that if the level of love, warmth and care that she is willing to give her children is healthy for her own self. But needless to say, with that much love she could heal the hurt.
Countless number of voices inside my head are urging me to ask her so many questions. I need the answers right this second. And she starts explaining her story to this clumsy, impatient and wide eyed girl, myself.
“But you sacrificed your whole life?”
“Didn’t you have dreams of your own when you were a kid?” While my own mouth can’t stop complaining about it on behalf of herself, she starts to answer me kindly.
“I did. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was young. But I have to think of my children for now.”
So much grace, so much kindness in one person? “I have so much gratitude for you, you should know…” I think to myself but I don’t have the guts to interrupt her to tell her how much I adore her, not as a woman, not as a wife, not as a mother, but above all as a human being.
She tells me that she gave up her job as soon as she got married to become a better wife.
“WHY!!” My head screams. First she had a little girl, a girl that she adored from head to toe, a girl that became the only reason that she kept going through hard times.
“The first time I got to hold her I saw that she had dimples, on both cheeks. I guess she got them from me.” She smiles brightly, her dark circles under her eyes proving to me that she has survived harsh realities. As I kept talking with her I realise that she has kept a journal since her daughter was born. Getting to know the reason behind that journal is enough to drag me down on to the floor.
“I didn’t think that I would live to tell her I loved her so much. So, it was like a sentimental piece from me, a part of me for her to go on to the world and build her own life one day.”
Then after seven years she had another little girl and then followed a boy after two more years. And she kept going, she tells me,
“You know that saying, you don’t know how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you’ve got?”
It’s not that she did not love him. But he was not what she thought he would be, he had been growing up that way and it was hard for her to change him. And after years she stopped trying to because she understood that no matter how hard you love someone, you can’t be the only one to hold all the responsibilities when it comes to relationships. It has to be a two sided thing, both parties have to co-opperate. He had good qualities the ones that she saw from the first day. But he is not so nice with his words, agrues, he whines about what he has not achieved and hard to understand in general. “Words can cut deeper” is something that she knows all too well.
Now she just wants to live by herself. She does not imply that she has fallen out of love with him at all. But she wants to go back to her parent’s house after all her kids leave home, something that she has been wanting to do since the day she left, but worried that it might bring shame upon her family, she still has not returned. Where she is from, seperation after marriage is such an embarrassment on the family, specially if it’s on the female side. So she did not want to hurt her parents, she absorbed all the suffering by herself. The world slept, sun rose and she cried, her reality for years.
And my heart aches for her, and I beg her almost like whimpering, “but please just think about yourself. You don’t have to go through all this pain. You still have time to get out!”
And she stares at me and I can read her eyes, she is trying to tell me what’s boiling inside of her. But she does not say anything, she has forgotten the words to express herself. But I know what she is trying to say,
“Love is when you’re willing to do anything, and I mean it, anything for your loved ones. And right now I am my kids’ happiness, I am not going to put their future in jeopardy for my happiness. I am happy if they are…”
Look what love has done to her. She came for what she thought to be “true love” but she is staying for what I call “the greatest love of all time”.
She tries to wipe away my tears because I am too busy crying and being so emotional while trying to fathom her love for her children and positive attitude on life. Her rough hands with chipped nails caresses my red cheeks. Her love is radiating and I wonder if there are more people like her left in this world.
“I’ve still got some time left here, then I’ll go back” She reassures me.
And I think to myself, “Aren’t those kids so lucky to have her in their lives? Isn’t this the greatest love of all time? ”